Defensive Indifference

It was only a matter of time until everyone’s favorite blubbering idiot jumped into the ongoing Yankees-Rays spring training brouhaha. Mr. Hankie had this laughable suggestion for all you mid- to small-market to not-completely-money-engorged franchises out there:

“I don’t want these teams in general to forget who subsidizes a lot of them, and it’s the Yankees, the Red Sox, Dodgers, Mets,” [Steinbrenner] said to The New York Post. “I would prefer if teams want to target the Yankees that they at least start giving some of that revenue sharing and luxury tax money back. From an owner’s point of view, that’s my point.”

You hear that all 26 other Major League teams? You are not allowed to try to beat the hallowed Yankees unless you pay them for deigning to set feet on the same field as your pathetic sub-$100 million payroll. The only legit teams are the ones that have the financial wherewithal to blow $40 million on Carl Pavano or hundreds of millions on an assortment of ‘roided-up goons. This is the goddamned Yankees, you hear?? Pinstripes, mothaf*%#a, pinstripes! Did your owner’s dad have a recurring character on Seinfeld, the greatest sitcom of all-time? No? Then buzz off, you small market wannabe hacks. Listen when Hank Steinbrenner talks to you, he was born with a silver money clip in his mouth! Now that’s authority! From now on, every team that does not pay the luxury tax must forfeit every game against the Yankees. You know what, screw it, Red Sox v. Yankees for 162 games, winner gets the World Series trophy. All the other teams must pay Hank for the pleasure of watching real baseball, while fanning his nude, sweaty, corpulent body with peacock feathers, feeding him grapes by hand, and dancing in front of his heavenly throne. That’s Yankees baseball, baby.

Disclaimer: Andrew and I are soccer fans, and Nick would be if he could get over his hatred of poor acoustics and bizarre trumpet-drum combos in American soccer stadia. Occasionally there will be soccer-related stories that cry out to be posted, and this is one of them.

Some of you (okay, probably all of you) might not be aware that right now the soccer qualifying tournament for the Beijing Olympics is currently taking place in Florida. Two nights ago, the U.S. under-23 team disappointingly tied 1-1 with the Cuban under-23 team (it was really exciting, trust me). Don’t worry, the U.S. is still alive and has two more games in the first round, including tonight against CONCACAF (look it up) powerhouse Panama. But more interestingly, and more hilariously, following the aforementioned USA-Cuba match five Cuban players surreptitiously removed themselves from the team hotel. And not in search of this Emperor’s Club VIP everyone’s been raving about, though it’s possible that played a part. Today, two more Cuban players defected, bringing the total to seven. Miami FC, a USL First Division team (league below the vaunted MLS), is already planning to hold try outs for the defectors. Like the rest of thinking humanity, except apparently the Cuban management which had no plans to prevent defections, Miami’s general manager and king of understatement saw this potentiality coming from 92 miles away:

“I watched their game against the U.S. on TV, and I thought the Cuban team played very well,” [Luiz] Muzzi said. “We were kind of scouting that game because anytime a Cuban team comes to the United States, there’s a chance someone might defect.”

Hard to blame them, too. Not many professional opportunities in Cuba, I imagine, at least above the $5 a week pay scale. And hey, it’s better than trying to do it this way:

I wonder if Chris Hansen was there. Why don’t you have a seat, Jesse Levis.

Red Sox scout Jesse Levis has been charged with lewd and lascivious behavior after an incident at a hotel, according to a police report.

The incident occurred Sunday night in Port St. Lucie in a hotel room that looked out on a pool where two teenage girls saw him, the report said.

This reminds me of that scene from the critically-acclaimed Chris Farley and David Spade blockbuster, “Tommy Boy”, except maybe thirty times creepier. Yikes. I mean, I imagine months on the road scouting can be tough, but come on, at least have the decency to keep your perviness confined to your computer.

Wow.

“Red Sox Nation?” What a bunch of [expletive] that is,” [Steinbrenner] said in an interview with The New York Times’ Play magazine. “That was a creation of the Red Sox and ESPN, which is filled with Red Sox fans.

“Go anywhere in America and you won’t see Red Sox hats and jackets, you’ll see Yankee hats and jackets. This is a Yankee country. We’re going to put the Yankees back on top and restore the universe to order.”

No Red Sox fans outside of New England? Has Hankie ever watched a Sox road game? Sure, this is a ‘Yankees country’, if by that he means this is an ‘Everyone Hates the Yankees Country’.  Gotta love the conspiracy theories, too; pure nonsense at it’s finest. And, yes, the Official Red Sox Nation was created by the Red Sox, but the term existed and represented an actual phenomenon long before the Sox Corporation got their grubby hands on it and long before the ESPN talking heads started blathering about it.

But why argue? Just enjoy the flood of illogic that I’m sure we’re far from hearing the end of.

Phillies pitcher Kyle Kendrick gets taken for the ride of his life.

Good news for Fish fans. It looks like the Marlins and the City of Miami are finally going agree to a deal for the construction of a baseball stadium. This has been something the Marlins have been demanding since they were founded, it seems like, and for the last few years rumors have been abounding that Jeff Loria was going to move the franchise if a stadium deal wasn’t reached. This is a good thing for everyone, especially the Marlins who need to get out of Dolphins Stadium. It’s about time one of the more successful teams of the last decade, based on World Series wins, got it’s own modern, baseball-only ballpark. Now it will be up to the “fans” to, you know, actually show up on a regular basis. Because this shit won’t fly in a brand-new, state-of-the-art stadium:

I mean, your team did just win the World Frickin’ Series 4 years ago. Have some self-respect.