Defensive Indifference

It’s pretty hard writing this with my jaw on the floor. Lenny Dykstra, a guy who I think my first memory of (besides owning his baseball card) is him swallowing a big wad of tobacco during an at-bat in an NLCS or World Series game in 1993, is apparently building up quite a reputation as a financial advisor — he’s even endorsed by Jim Cramer of Mad Money, or as I like to call him, the Bald Guy Who Screams on That Channel I Never Have a Reason to Watch.

Retired now and 45, Dykstra, whose baseball career occasionally was marred by messy excesses - driving too fast, gambling too much - has transformed himself into a big player in the investment world.

He lives in Wayne Gretzky’s old mansion, has a private jet, a string of successful car washes, and a growing reputation as a stock-market guru. …

Cramer: “If I didn’t know any better I would tell you that everything you hear from Lenny is an act. Because there’s no way that he would ever, that you would ever feel like he’s as smart as he really is, if you listen to him. Now, there are probably four or five people in the world who, if they sent me an e-mail, told me to learn a stock, I would actually take them seriously.”

Goldberg: “And he’s one of them?”

Cramer: “He’s one of them. He’s one of them.”

This is so ridiculous I don’t even know where to begin. Let me get this straight. Lenny Dykstra, a guy who hung out with Darryl Strawberry, Darren Daulton and John Kruk, is a stock market wizard. This is the definition of a loss of words. Dykstra didn’t like to read books because he thought they hurt his batting eye, and now he has a private jet.

Details coming on this month’s Real Sports With Bryant Gumbel on HBO.