Prepare Your Brain-Mouth for My Wrath-Wang, Baker
Apologies to the comic that I’ve never heard of who I saw on Comedy Central and stole the joke for that headline from, but I’m raging right now. Yes, Dusty Baker finally did it, folks. It took him like a couple of weeks and tons of scrounging amongst the refuse of the free agent market, but he finally signed professional unclogger-of-bases Corey Patterson.
Frankly, I should probably be thanking good ole Dusty right about now. His latest roster move probably saved me from picking Jay Bruce about six rounds too early in my upcoming fantasy draft.
But really that does nothing to quell my burning rage.
We should have seen this coming long ago. Baker managed Corey Patterson when both were in Chicago. There’s nothing he loves more than playing veterans, except maybe familiarity and players who don’t clog the bases. Patterson is a veteran. He’s an ex-Baker-ite. Oh, and he’scoming off a season where he posted a .304 OBP.
He’s fucking perfect for Dusty. He’s fast, but he won’t give you all those pesky chances to score runs! Why the hell would you want a guy who had 80 extra-base hits in the minors last season when you could just have a replacement level player get 600 plate appearances in a completely winnable division.
OK, so most of this rage is really just despair. I was really looking forward to watching the Reds this year, and this is the first sign that Dusty Baker is going to wreck it all. Between Adam Dunn, Ken Griffey Jr., Bronson Arroyo and the exciting crop of youngsters headed by Jay Bruce, Joey Votto, Homer Bailey and Johnny Cueto, Cincinnati was looking like one of the most exciting fringe contenders this side of Tampa Bay.
Corey Patterson is only the beginning. He’s already making up for fake reasons for Jay Bruce to sit on the bench. Now I’m expecting Scott Hatteberg to start Opening Day, Adam Dunn to be hitting seventh by May and Homer Bailey’s shoulder to be in Mark Prior-esque shape by Labor Day.
P.S. To those of you who say what about GM Wayne Krivsky, I say, OK be all rational and stuff, but seriously you can’t tell me Dusty’s fingerprints aren’t all over this shit.
UPDATE: There’s a dirty little rumor circulating around the webunets that we’re (I am a) Reds fan(s). We’re (I am) not.
UPDATE 2: All day I’ve been thinking maybe I was a scoch unfair to Dusty (though not as unfair as one poster on BBTF who basically said the whole thing was motivated by racism). I mean, after all, I did write this at like 4 am — a time when I’m prone to being a little reactionary. Players do come worse than Corey Patterson. Well, Rob Neyer has hardened my resolve:
Baker has a real opportunity in Cincinnati. He has the exact sort of team that could, with proper management and a little luck, shoot past the supposed contenders and shock the world (or at least the National League). It’s the sort of team made for Earl Weaver or Davey Johnson.
He hones in on the exact frustration I’m feeling. The Reds are a promising team, that under the right set of circumstances could surprise a lot of people. That’s what was exciting me about them. But they have no margin for error in that division, and, enabled by Wayne Krivsky, Dusty Baker, a man who believes clogging the bases is bad, a man who let a 22-year-old Mark Prior throw 757 pitches in six September starts in 2003, is leading them. He can be an OK manager in the right situation, I guess, but he’s horrible for this situation, where Cincinnati’s success relies on youth. That’s too bad for the folks in the Queen City who are starving for October baseball.
March 5th, 2008 at 10:17 am
Yeah, this is just sad. Why in God’s name do teams keep hiring this piece of shit? Why, I ask? Why??????????????????????????
March 5th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
I have to bring this back to Krivsky. He’s the one who hired Dusty Baker the Out Maker in the first place, and obviously the one who actually signed Patterson, even though Dusty no doubt told him to do it. I mean, if you’re a GM and taking personnel orders from Dusty Frickin’ Baker you know you’re officially mentally-handicapped. On the plus side, watching the Reds this season will still be fun, just in the whole Schadenfreude kinda way.
March 5th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Oh, I’m sure ‘ole Krivsky signed Patterson, so he could free up Jay Bruce for a trade for seven middle relievers from Washington or something.
March 5th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
I don’t think you guys are giving Patterson enough credit. Yes, his OPS (particularly OBP) is horrifying, but he can play slightly above average defense at a premium position while hitting replacement level. He is also one of the better baserunners in the league. He’s worth about 1 WAR, or $4.4mm, by my numbers.
If the Reds were smart they would have a) not hired Baker, b) not signed Cordero. Even though the NL Central is the weakest division in baseball, it is still unlikely they will compete with the Cubs and Brewers. If they had went the route of playing for ‘09, this would be a good signing. They could have left Bruce, Votto, Cueto, etc. in the minors long enough to keep this year from counting toward a year of service time, potentially saving them millions down the road.
March 5th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
In a vaccuum, I concede Corey Patterson isn’t like a terrible player every year, but as you and I both pointed out, this move doesn’t exist in a vaccuum.
Dusty=satan. I’m not being entirely rational. I was really looking forward to watching the Reds because of their exciting youth and because they have some of my favorite big-leaguers — namely Griffey, Dunn and Arroyo.
March 5th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
I guess my question to Mr. Swift would be: what does the addition of Corey Patterson give them that Ryan Freel doesn’t? A few more stolen bases? From what I can gather, a healthy Freel is about as good defensively as Patterson, will actually take a walk, and, you know, happens to already be on the Reds’ roster. Unless I’m missing something, this move seems to be the definition of superfluity.
March 7th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Depth. Freel was injured off and on last year and also serves as the infield utility man. Griffey, Jr. is the definition of injury prone. Dunn’s bodytype and age probably makes him an injury risk as well. Votto and Bruce are terrific hitting prospects, particularly Bruce, of course, but you never know what can happen between the minors and majors. Look at Gordon, it took him 3/4 of a season to adjust.
If they had a decent manager, this would be a good signing to improve the bench. The danger is, of course, that Dusty will overplay Patterson, which is exactly what you guys pointed out.
March 7th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
Sounds like the role Norris Hopper’s in camp to fill. Now if Patterson was a big improvement over Hopper, then fine, but it seems like they’re clones of each other. Only difference is that Patterson has MLB experience (because he was a top prospect and he’s had Baker managing him most of his career), while Hopper’s been a career minor leaguer (in other words, precisely the career Patterson should’ve had).
March 7th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Patterson is a fair bit better than Norris Hopper with the stick.
March 8th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Sure, Patterson will hit some homers, but his career OBP is .298 for poop’s sake. Hopper will actually take a walk. Toss-up, if you ask me.
April 3rd, 2008 at 3:21 am
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