This is Priceless
This has got to be one of the most hilarious baseball-related news stories in a long while. Apparently the same steroid investigation originating in Albany, NY that helped turn up evidence that was used in the Mitchell Report has also fingered hip hop and R&B performers as users of steroids and HGH.
According to the story, Mary J. Blige, 50 Cent, Timbaland, and Wyclef Jean have all been identified by law enforcement officials as having purchased various steroids and other drugs. Apparently, performers are interested in these drugs for their “anti-aging” properties; but anyone who has seen a 50 Cent video knows that getting ripped is also clearly a top priority.
I think my favorite part about this article is the quote from Mary J. Blige’s spokeswoman: “Mary J. Blige has never taken any performance enhancing illegal steroids.” I’m not sure why, but the fact that the term “performance-enhancing” is being used even when referring to non-athletes is goddamned hilarious to me. What performance, exactly, is being enhanced by the use of these drugs? Singing? Dancing? Building up the upper body strength necessary to carry 20 pounds of gold and diamonds around your neck all day?
Let’s be clear—rappers and singers using steroids and HGH is not performance-enhancing, it is vanity-enhancing. I therefore propose that from here on out, whenever steroids are used in reference to performers, the acronym VEDs be used rather than PEDs. Oh yeah, and it’s about time to look into putting asterisks next to Mary J. Blige’s Grammy wins—this type of disdain for the integrity of our record books cannot go unpunished.