Dear ESPN, Stop Force-feeding Us Boxing. Sincerely, Humanity
Yes, I know, on the surface boxing seems to have little to do with baseball (except when A.J. Pierzynski is on the field). And that first impression is absolutely correct. Boxing and baseball are entirely unrelated. But if ESPN insists on shoving The Contender down my throat, I will react in any means I can, namely: through this blog. Even if I have to use my debut post, because that’s how bad-ass I am.
Boxing (and its bastard son MMA) is an idiotic sport. People who do it are idiots and people who watch it are idiots. I don’t care how smart Jim Lampley sounds, he’s an idiot because he likes watching barely-conscious meatheads pound each other into pulp (and eat each other, if Mike Tyson’s involved). The boxers are idiots because they will be lucky if by the end of their career they’ll only have chronic shakes and slight brain trauma. But hey, they can buy big TVs that they can watch while they spend the rest of their lives in a half-vegetative state. And I haven’t even mentioned the rampant corruption or Don King (and I won’t because that’s the most obvious reason why boxing is worthless). If I want to watch a fist fight I can watch hockey (hey, at least they use bare fists like real men) or take a trip to my local fraternity on a weekend night. So in conclusion, ESPN, you already gave us WNBA, World’s Strongest Man, and nightly poker. How many more meaningless sports do we need?
Fortunately, I can say with near-certainty that this will be the last post I will ever make on boxing. But expect more charmingly exaggerated anger and vitriol, because as great as sports can be you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. Yes, that’s a Star Wars reference. Deal with it.
Oh, want some baseball news? The 42-year-old wonder, Tim Glavine, might be on his way back to Atlanta. Presumably he’d finish his career there which would be a nice story for us to hear about every day for all of next season. Interestingly, Mr. Thomas Glavine and his Spouse spent last evening with transatlantic politicians and captains of industry at the White House dinner for French President Nicholas Sarkozy. I’m sure all the Frenchman were dying to know how Glavine throws his famous changeup. If any of them knew what baseball is, of course.